Everyone should be nice at work but sometimes the desire to avoid conflict, be a team player and be liked by peers can lead to others perceiving you as a ‘pushover’.
Being a ‘people pleaser’ is something that we learn in the school yard as a survival technique but when we carry it into the office it can be self-destructive and impact your personal brand. More concerningly, it may cause burn out and build resentment as you will be left wondering why you once again agreed to the action items no one else wanted.
If you are someone who would rather agree than go against the majority, and always says "yes" to last minute work requests, it might be time to learn the art of assertiveness in the workplace.
There are certainly worse things than being a pushover but left unchecked it may create unnecessary hurdles in your career. The below are some of the tell-tale signs that you have fallen victim:
Many see this as flattering as the people asking for help will cleverly build your ego. There is no doubt they know you have the capability, but the real reason they came to you is that they knew you would say yes – every time. Unfortunately it may come at the expense of potential burnout, frustration and your own workload.
Employees that value strong relationships usually fall in this category because they associate saying “no” with upsetting a peer or letting them down. The inability to say "no" just brings repeat requests and will usually result in too many balls in the air.
People pleasers like to keep everyone one happy, so they are likely to apologise excessively for things that are not their fault. For example, if a coworker asks for help with the monthly report, there may be a temptation to say “I’m so sorry, but I need to see if I can finish mine first”. Instead, the answer could be “Thanks for recognising that I have the skill to help you. My priority is to complete my own team report, but then I am happy to help you.”
Meetings are a perfect example of the pushover agreeing to things just to keep the peace. The focus becomes going with the majority to avoid confrontation. The downside here is that great ideas are never heard and others can start to question your value.
No employee is perfect all the time and there are always opportunities to share constructive feedback. Pushovers are likely to concentrate on the positives and avoid saying anything that might ‘rock the boat’. This approach reinforces the ‘agreeable’ brand and leaves others wondering where you stand on important work issues.
The good news is that with some practice, assertiveness can prove to be a successful tool in shaking the pushover syndrome.
Many people confuse assertiveness with aggression, which is being rude, hostile, blaming, threatening, demanding or sarcastic. Truly assertive people have self-awareness, confidence, and refined communication abilities that enable them to advance their point of view without aggression. Assertiveness is a communication style that is respectful of others but clear and firm in intent.
Employees that can communicate assertively are able to stand up for themselves in a way that is respectful and considers the rights and feelings of others. Such employees communicate honestly and appropriately and have high self-esteem. These employees are not pushovers and are allocated more than just the worst parts of projects. They can say "no” to extra work when appropriate and are able to diffuse potential issues by stating exactly what is preferred.
The advantages of using assertive behaviour in the workplace include:
There are six main characteristics of assertiveness in communication. These are shown in the table below.
| Eye contact | This is where the employee can demonstrate interest and show sincerity |
| Voice | Using a level, well-modulated tone is more acceptable and convincing rather than intimidating |
| Body language | Consistent body language heightens the significance of the message |
| Gestures | Appropriate gestures help add emphasis to the points being made |
| Timing | Using judgement about timing maximises receptivity and impact |
| Content | As with any type of communication, the how, what and why that the employee chooses to convey is very important |
Some scenarios are more appropriate for assertiveness than others. A sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived as an act of aggression.
For isntance employee who has historically always agrees and is passive in team meetings becomes known for that behaviour. If this employee suddenly starts voicing strong opinions or pushing back on tasks, it will be out of character and potentially perceived as aggression.
An important part of being assertive is the ability to express needs and feelings. Employees can accomplish this by using “I” statements.
A strong “I” statement has three specific elements:
Some examples:
“I” statements are effective because they:
Being assertive allows employees to take responsibility for themselves and their actions without judging or blaming others. When done well, assertive communication allows employees to constructively confront challengs and find mutually satisfying solutions.
When employees are confident about being assertive, old or negative behaviour patterns can be swapped to something that facilitates successful communication and is more positive. There is no point waiting for someone else to change. It is much more empowering to take this control back, and make the decision to say “no” and mean it.
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Georgina is Senior Content Writer and HR Specialist – Publications at Ai Group. She is an accomplished Human Resource professional with over 25 years of generalist and leadership experience in a broad range of industries including financial services, tourism, travel, government and agriculture. She has successfully advised and partnered with senior leaders to implement people and performance initiatives that align to business strategy. Georgina is committed to utilising her experience to create resources that educate and engage and is passionate about supporting members to optimise an inclusive workforce culture that drives performance.
