Is your business ready to support employees through grief?

When a worker experiences the tragedy of losing someone that is close to them the power of grief takes over and can make the simplest of tasks seem like a mountain to climb.

Someone who knows this emotion all too well is former Facebook’s Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg, who experienced the full force of grief when her husband suddenly passed away whilst they were on a holiday in Mexico. Sandberg has captured her journey with grief in the publication: Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy. Within this, Sandberg shares, “Grief is a demanding companion. In those early days, weeks and months, it was always there, not just below the surface but on the surface”.

Losing a loved one is a personal experience and leaders should refrain from making assumptions about the magnitude of an employee’s loss. In the first few days a grieving employee is processing the loss and navigating how to ‘do life’ without their loved one. They may also need to balance the many ‘have tos’ such as organising funerals and advising government authorities.

How much leave are employees entitled to?

In Australia, the National Employment Standards (NES) states that all employees are entitled to two days compassionate leave each time an immediate family or household member dies or suffers a life-threatening illness or injury. Full and part-time employees receive paid compassionate leave and casual employees receive unpaid compassionate leave.

These are the minimum standards in Australia; however, many organisations have industrial agreements and policies that offer above and beyond this legal obligation. A growing number of employers acknowledge that two days leave is nowhere near enough as they understand that grief is a marathon and not a sprint.

How much leave should an organisation provide if they want to provide more leave than the NES?

How an organisation choses to support their employees through grief is what a worker will remember long after they have forgotten about last year’s Christmas bonus. When an employee is crippled by grief, their lifeline will become the understanding manager, access to longer compassionate leave, and the ability to work flexibly.

Instead of thinking about what an employee is ‘allowed’, if an employer can lead with their heart and provide the employee with what they ‘need’, they will be enacting a retention hook that will no doubt translate to long-term loyalty. In addition, it sends a strong message to the employee group about how the organisation is prepared to stand by workers in their darkest hour.

Sandberg’s personal experience enabled her to use her leadership power to make a positive change. She recognised that a few days was simply nowhere near enough to begin to tackle the enormity and power of grief and so she announced that Facebook would begin offering up to twenty days of compassionate leave following a family member’s death. It wasn’t long before other companies followed her lead, with some even allowing this leave to be untapped after the death of a spouse or child.

The truth is, there is no magic number that is right for an individual or a business and everyone’s grief journey is different. What is the same, is the need for employees to have a support mechanism in place that meets their unique circumstances.

What practical things can an employer do to support a grieving employee?

Every employee who loses a loved one will respond differently, so it is important to tailor your support approach. The following are some key tips for those first early days:

• Acknowledge the loss with empathy and authenticity
• Ask the employee how they would like their absence explained to the team
• Clearly explain to the employee that they do not need to worry about work
• Tell the employee that there is no rush for them to return to work
• State your support and provide your condolences on behalf of the business
• Establish the employee's preferred method of communication whilst they are on leave
• Send flowers or a gift basket with a note to the employee as soon as possible
• Ask the employee if there is anything practical that you can do to support them
• Remind the employee of any support services (e.g. EAP)
• Don’t judge the employee on their decision when to return to work
• Ask the employee when the funeral is and their wishes regarding a team member’s attendance

What should I say to an employee who loses a loved one?

When an employee rings their manager to advise that they have just lost a loved one, it is difficult for both parties. It is an extremely personal situation that is likely to be loaded with emotion. Most people that have just experienced a loss simply want to fulfill their obligation to advise their employer that they can’t attend work.

There is no single answer for leaders on how to manage this call and it is important to remember the employee’s preferred communication style and respect the relationship that you have. Most importantly, leaders are cautioned from putting their own bias into the discussion based on their relationship with family.

For guidance when an employee passes away please see 'What to do when an employee passes away'. 

The funeral is the beginning of grief and not the end

Some leaders believe that once the funeral is over, the employee will just be able to just ‘get on with the job’, but what they are missing is that a funeral is simply a step that triggers a lifetime without a loved one. Well after the last bouquet of flowers has wilted and the meals for the freezer have stopped – what is waiting is a long list of milestones to endure.

There will be a ‘year of firsts’ ahead including the unwelcome anniversary of the loved one’s death. When the acts of kindness from friends drop off, it is time for employers to step up and take the baton.

Grief is a road that no one wants to walk – it is lonely and full of pain. Perhaps the strongest emotional intelligence test within a leader is whether they have the grace and patience to keep up the support on the long road ahead, so that grief is not the employee’s only companion.

Further information

For assistance with your workplace matters, Members of Ai Group can contact us or call our Workplace Advice Line on 1300556677 for further information.

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